Can There Be Too Much Casual Sex?
In the last week, I’ve been chatting to this handsome bearded gentleman and for now we’ll call him Big Daddy. Initially I was really taken aback by the fact that he was only after NSA (or no string attached, for the uninitiated) but then on second thought, I really appreciated that he was direct with what he wants and there was no sugar coating it. That, I can respect. Straight off the bat, he told me that he wasn’t after dating and when he learned that I wasn’t after NSA, he offered some very valuable insight that if I dated a guy from Grindr, Jack’d or any one of those apps, the chances are and I quote “that he may already have had a few contacts on his phone as back-ups and that they are after the novelty or thrill of the chase.” The 70’s liberated us sexually and the noughties gave us Grindr. But have we as a gay community also been liberated from commitments of relationship? And can too much sex with many people in our past lives be holding us back in the pursuit of love and happiness?
Tracy McMillan, the author of Why Aren’t You Married… Yet urged readers of her book that “… I want you to stop filling up up empty space in your life with guys that aren’t going to be your man…” Like her, it is my personal belief that the dating apps offer the fillers of the empty spaces. Sure, there are the odd guys on there that are genuinely looking for love, myself included. But I soon realised that I was looking in the wrong place for love. If experience has taught me anything, most guys on there are either looking for a quick shag or the thrill of the chase. Sure, the dating apps really make guys more accessible than ever, but it is also turning the dating scene into an all-you-can-eat buffet. While we all love a good value-for-money meal, the downside of buffet is that because there are so many other things on offer, it really makes it difficult for one to appreciate how beautifully executed a dish may be. One may scoff down a portion of beef Wellington quickly, only to get back to the table to taste the next dish that catches one’s eyes. Such is the tyranny of choice. Gone are the old a-la-carte.
In the meanwhile though, I am getting off the apps and continue my search for the a-la-carte. There are not many of those around, but I do have something planned. I will endeavour to keep you all posted on how I get on.