The 30% That We Don’t Love …

We humans are a greedy bunch and we are always looking for the next best thing. It is the very same greed, or motivation, as some would call it, that improves our quality of life, drives us to achieve our goals. But what happens when you achieve that short term goal? Do you get a bigger loan? Do you upgrade to more luxurious car? A longer overseas holiday?

I have always approached my relationships with a can-do attitude, because I am a realist about the fact that no one is perfect. If I find a guy who is 70% there, then we’ve got a pretty good foundation and we can improve the remaining 30%. Sounds logical, right? Take Mr G for example. He was one of the most charming young men I had met and we instantly connected. But there was just one small problem – he was still at university and was making next to nothing from his 10-hour-a-week retail part-time job. Naturally, being the relationship renovation expert that I am, I encouraged, pushed and *may* have even shoved him into finding a new job. Hell, I even pulled some strings with my friends and got him an interview with a company he ended up working for, for a much better pay! And with the finance and career situation resolved, I thought I was off to a flying start and about to embark on a perfect relationship, But the reality could not be further away from perfect. I started to feel like he was distancing himself away from me, in the end, I had no choice but to end things with him. Years later on a chance encounter, I bumped into him again and found out what was going through in his head.. So it turned out the desire to improve, this can-do DIY attitudes of mine, does not make him feel good. In fact, he confessed that it made him feel inadequate and emasculated. And what a revelation to me it was! I can think of countless occasions where I made suggestions to my partners to change this, get rid of this bad habit, get a better job, quit smoking, etc, whereas the whole time, I am the one who needs work on the remaining 30%! Even better, instead of focusing on the 30% of negatives, why don’t we focus on the 70% of positives that we love about the other person! Easier said than done I know, but I intend of putting it into practice next time I am in a relationship.

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